The Blanket
December 12th, 1935 It is crazy how life can change. One second I thought ‘bout life as a game. Now it’s different. Playin’ Radley games ain’t good no more. It ain’t something you can just mess around with. It’s real. He knows who I am, I just hope he don’t know what we did. How we played games to make him look bad, how we acted like it was a game, how we acted like it was all fake. Its weird how a blanket can make you so cold, so scared, and itching to get out of ya skin. A blanket ain’t that. I was just standing ‘round when he covered me in a blanket. The warmth of a fire started the coldest night of the year. The warmest blanket started the end of my innocence. I didn’t look. I wish I had. How did this happen? To be so close to the man we all wanted to see. We spent all summer lookin’ for him. We went on countless adventures to see him or lure him out. I missed my chance. I just wish Dill could have been there. He would have looked. He would have seen what happened. Dill would have solved the mystery and become the town’s hero. Anyone but me would have seen what happened, and anyone but me would have done something. Why did Boo choose to come out during the fire? It had been so many years since he last came out. Last time he came out, he caused trouble. Last time he came out he was locked in the basement of the courthouse. Mr. Radley protected the town when this happened last. With Mr. Radley cold in his grave, I do not feel safe. Why would he come out to give a little girl a blanket? I feel like he was just warning me of something. Sayin’ that he is here, daring me to mess with him. Or is it Boo trying to be my friend? He has been alone for so long. Maybe he just wants someone to accept him. If it were that, I don’t think I would be so scared. Atticus said to leave Boo alone. Did he have a reason? Why am I so scared of him? I don’t get it. I’ve never been scared of nothin’ in my whole entire life. I am brave. I am tough. I am not a girl. I am one of the boys, but I can’t play this game of theirs. Jem understands. Jem was frightened, but that same action makes me a girl. Society has me trapped. I am so lost. So lost I ain’t even sure who I am. I am scared, I am worried, and I am a girl. Dill would be so disappointed in me. Atticus says that it is ok, but I know better. I know it ain’t. Mrs. Maudie said she would have looked. I am so stupid and dumb, just like a baby. The knot hole left me scared, but this is different. I can’t stop shivering inside. I can’t cover up, ‘cause the blankets make me cold. I can’t even accept what happened. I tried to find another possible explanation, but I know it was Boo Radley, and he knows who I am. I know he will find me again, I just don’t know when. I don’t know what he knows about me. I don’t know if he knows my Daddy. I don’t know what he wants with me, but I feel targeted. Jem wasn’t covered. I was, and I don’t know why. I know that house has more than one blanket, why didn’t he bring out two. Is it ‘cause I am a girl. Is it ‘cause I am a baby? I feel like Boo has his reasons. I just don’t know why he would want to mess with me. I am Scout Finch, and I have an attitude bigger than heaven. |